Sunday, May 14, 2006

Preschooler Logic

Dylann presented me with a piece of paper on which he had made a bunch of squiggly lines and he offered this explanation:

"I writed scrapes because I love you and you got married and I just want you to take me to the beach. That’s why I made scrapes."

Monday, May 8, 2006

Monday is like a kick in the head

Yesterday basically revolved around the giant foot again, because the swelling hadn't gone down and I had a fever also. I spent most of the day laying around in various locations around the house with my foot elevated and a bag of frozen blueberries resting on it, while I tried to catch up on homework. The boys were running around like wild animals and my husband was in charge of keeping things under control. He did a good job, although he did provide them with an endless supply of marshmallows, which is one of the things I'll be cleaning up today. Both boys wet their beds last night, so I have sheets and blankets to add to the mountain of laundry to do today. First I have to take a trip to the store, which is something I HATE. I dread it every time I have to go. I basically have to throw the kids in the cart and then chuck as many groceries as I can into the cart before they get totally out of control and I always leave the store feeling completely frazzled. One of these days I'm sure I will begin having a nervous eye twitch. Then I have to try to get the house into some state of organization and cleanliness, which will be done by completing one tedious task after the other. Then I have to write a paper for psychology, make dinner, bathe the boys, and work on more stuff for school until it's my favorite time of the day - BEDTIME.

Sunday, May 7, 2006

The Firey Foot

Well, the camping trip was almost a complete disaster. It fell short because we did get to spend about 4 hours on the beach at a lake and that was really nice. Other than that, it was horrible. When we arrived it was pouring and we set up in the rain. It cleared up for a few hours, but at about 11 that evening the sky started falling again and suddenly our tent, which we had strategically positioned in a nice little open area, was surrounded by water with the boys asleep inside. We pulled out the sleeping children along with all of our stuff and drug it out into the rain, relocated the tent and climbed back in to get some sleep. Jack had to go to the bathroom twice in the night and then still wet in his sleeping bag in the morning (the poor child inherited his father's pea-sized bladder). Earlier that evening I also got bit by a fire ant (more on that later) on my left ankle.

The next morning we headed over to the beach by 10 AM and had a really good time, but I got bit by 2 more fire ants on the same foot. When we headed back to the campsite for lunch, we discovered the area was under siege by swarms of gnats. The local people barely blinked an eye as they were smothered in the little black flies. We couldn't stand it. They didn't bite, so it wouldn't have been that bad, but they were trying to wheedle their way into any exposed orifice on our bodies. We hid in the tent and tried to take a nap until the attack was over.

When we emerged from the tent an hour later, the flies were waiting for us and my ankle had swollen up, which was accompanied by shooting pains in my leg. We still tried to stick it out, for the sake of the boys, because they thought this was all just one big adventure. As the day wore on, my ankle grew and the flies continued to follow us wherever we went. We wandered over to a nearby playground when I said, "I just want to go home." As soon as those words were uttered, my husband was gone and back within an hour with the van and the contents of our campsite neatly arranged inside. Oh how I love thee, let me count the ways...

About an hour after we got home, our cat got outside and disappeared. He had never been outside before, so we were a little concerned that he would get eaten by a giant snake or some other horrifying creature that might creep out of the Georgia forest. Meanwhile, I was so overcome with the pains in my leg and the swelling of my foot and ankle that I was oblivious to everything else that was going on. The world was just me and my giant foot and my poor husband was left to deal with everything else.

About an hour later the cat was found and we headed to the hospital. We sat there until midnight when they told me that I have some kind of infection in the ant bite which was spreading up my leg and it would have to be removed. Well, actually they just gave me some antibiotics, a tetanus shot, and sent me wobbling home.

Every encounter I have had with a fire ant has led me to believe they are indeed messengers from the devil.

Weekends at our house are so relaxing!!

Friday, May 5, 2006


I'll be out mosquito-swatting, tent-pitching, forest-wandering, nature-photographing, fire-starting, and moonshine-drinking until Sunday.

So I bring you funny things said by funny people. May they find favor with your funny bone:

"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."

"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."

"Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath."

Dave Barry

"I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words."

"Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it."

Ellen DeGeneres

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Robin Williams

Thursday, May 4, 2006

Moments With Jack

Mom: I love you Jack.

Jack: I love Batman.

TV Commercial: Save big money at Menards!

Jack: Save big mommy at Bernard's!

Mom: (watching Jack rub dog’s belly) Do you like the dog?

Jack: (discovers dog’s nipples buried in fur and starts playing with them) I like her weenies.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Former affair with Mr. Clean

I was watching old home movies the other day and I was surprised at how nice everything looked in them. Our house was always immaculate, our backyard was lush and green with flowers blooming in my garden. I remember what those days were like when I only had one child and even when my second one was still just a baby. I was completely obsessed with appearances. I would only dress the boys in clothes that I thought were cute and stylish and most of them were expensive name brands. I would run around the house like Donna Reed on speed and still manage to have time to sit outside and watch Dylann try to hit a ball with his bat for hours at a time.

When Jack was about 6 months old I started making a conscious effort not to be so obsessive with the house. Now I have a hard time imagining life like that. It was continuous cleaning and it was absolutely pointless. Waste of time and energy! I'm a more relaxed person now, but I must say, the house sure looked good back in those days...the house sure looked good.