Sunday, August 20, 2006

Inside

This was brought on by this beautiful post by Her Bad Mother.



You came from inside
Where you lived amidst my heartbeat
And rested your foot under my ribs
Dreaming in the space where my blood flowed all around you

I marveled that my body put you together
Put satin in your skin
Made your hair like feathers
And created two slate blue eyes
To look out and see light and darkness
To be overwhelmed by the expanse of the sky

You were like a gift to be unwrapped
Given to the world by the place where hope comes from

Outside you were more difficult to care for
I feared your helplessness at first
Holding you on my chest where our hearts could feel each other
I knew that we would figure it out

The smell of you
Was fresh and warm and not like anything else
Every bit of you untouched by the world

Each hour that passed you grew and changed
Until your cheeks became round and delicious
And your tiny legs grew strong enough to hold you up
You formed words to describe things around you
And learned through fearless curiosity
That not all ideas were good ones



My eyes were always following you
My ears listening to what words you were piecing together
Sometimes I would hear and stop what I was doing
Your innocence so nakedly exposed in your voice
Making it hard for me to breathe
Desperate to capture it
In photographs
With words
Unable to grab a hold of it
That wide-eyed trusting honesty
That precious unknowing

One day you will belong more to the world than to me
You will make your own decisions
Steering down the paths you choose to take
I'll shout out to hold on tight when the waters are uneasy and dark
Don't forget to wear your lifejacket

Although you won't always need me
I'll always know
You carry a piece of me with you

I gave it to you from inside

10 comments:

bubandpie said...

What a beautiful reflection. I don't know that I'm ready for that time when my children will "belong more to the world than to me." Like everything about motherhood, it has a double edge: I crave that day, and fear it.

Jessi Louise said...

I definitely don't think I'm ready, but I know the time will come. Sometimes it seems far away (my oldest is only 4) and sometimes it seems like it will be too soon. I guess the scariest part will be watching them make decisions I may not agree with and fearing the results. I think I'm way ahead of myself here!

Lou said...

that was precious and filling--like a warm bowl of thick soup on a cold, cold day--like salve to the chapped skin of a child too long gone from the womb

Mommy off the Record said...

Beautiful poem. Found you from HBM's site.

I find it hard to think about the day that my little guy won't need me anymore. But you're right, they will always have a piece of us with them.

Her Bad Mother said...

Oh, man. That was gorgeous. And the photos, gorgeous.

You're so right - it's because they are always part of our 'inside.'

kari said...

just linked to you from HBM. this was absolutely breathtaking - brought me to tears. thanks for sharing it with us.

tania (urban_mommy) said...

Linked through HBM. This is beautiful and the pictures! And you're right, it is so so powerful that they carry a part of you from the inside. Its the thing they won't remember, that perhaps lets them be independent, but for the mothers? I don't think we can ever completely separate them from our bodies.

tania (urban_mommy) said...

Linked through HBM. This is beautiful and the pictures! And you're right, it is so so powerful that they carry a part of you from the inside. Its the thing they won't remember, that perhaps lets them be independent, but for the mothers? I don't think we can ever completely separate them from our bodies.

erika said...

Absolutely wonderful.

Merry Mama said...

I don't think they ever stop needing us- especially our touch- to know we are with them always.