Wednesday, June 11, 2008

If I Acted Like a Little Boy for a Day

Mornings would be slow-moving as everyone in the house would have to try to tackle each other to the floor to see who gets the blue bowl. Eating would be done while running and laughing and somehow miraculously not choking. To get dressed, I would pull down all the clothes I didn't want to wear, then realize I had pulled down all the clothes in the closet and that I am standing on them and singing a song about reptiles because I forgot what I was supposed to be doing. I would decide to wear a blue shirt with a giant robot face on it and a pair of bright yellow pants that go with a fireman costume. I would look in the mirror and announce that I am roboto-fireman. I would continue looking in the mirror for 10 minutes while practicing karate.

After organizing my legos by dumping them out and seeing which ones flew the farthest when thrown at the ceiling fan, I would suddenly realize I was starving. I would ask for food from everyone around me. Then I would cry because they were taking too long. I would tell them I'm going to die because I'm so hungry. I would lay on the floor and wail and moan while rending my garments.

Once I had eaten quietly for 10 minutes, I would notice my brother sitting there not crying. This would bother me. I would tackle him to the ground and we would roll on the floor for 3 hours until I got hit in the face and started to cry. It would be his fault.

When it got dark, I would have more energy than ever and would run laps around the house until I tripped on a rug and fell. It would not be my fault. Then I would run again and take off all my clothes except my underwear because I'm hot. I would continue to run.

When a neighbor came to visit I would tell them that my cat poops in a box. Then I would laugh until I fell on the floor and almost wet my pants. Then I would do 30 cartwheels, 10 somersaults, carry the cat upside down into my room and shut him in the closet, run laps, eat a peanut butter sandwich, and drink a bottle of water by pouring the water into the lid and spilling it all over the floor.

The end.

4 comments:

Aunt Becky said...

You speak the truth. Oh yes, yes you do.

MaGreen said...

Awwww. I love the creativity of this post!!

April & Pedro said...

ahahhahahahahaha!!!!!!

cameo said...

hey lady!!
it's been a long time.
totally understand this post.
just wait 'til they get older - it's a whole new ball of weird wax.
love those little men!