Thursday, August 7, 2008

My Big Head and Me

Donn is gone right now at a military school for 5 weeks. I just realized that sounds like I have a child named Donn that I sent away to boarding school. My husband Donn has been sent, by the army, to a military school for advanced training. He is not an 8 year old delinquent.

Anyway, he is gone right now. When he's not home, I have trouble sleeping. I'm a night person to begin with, so I like to stay up quite a while after the boys go to bed, but without Donn here I stay up way too late watching these creepy true crime shows. Then I can't sleep because I'm afraid I'll be the next victim in a true crime show. Truly.

So I've started leaving the TV on really quiet at night because at least then if someone is sneaking in to attack me, I won't have to freak out about it right away. Has anyone seen the things that are on TV late at night? There is some good stuff going on, let me tell you. The other night there was a show on BBC America that was called My Small Breasts and I. Just think of the possibilities for a series of these shows: Me and My Pancreas...Finding my Uvula...Me, Myself, and My Lazy Eye...My Big Buttcheeks and Me. And then there are the weird fetish shows about people who love smashing pies in their faces, cousins who marry each other, grown women who like to wear diapers. I always wonder how they find the people to participate in these shows. Why don't I have a next door neighbor who dresses like Peter Pan every day? I guess we're in the wrong neighborhood.

Next on my agenda here for in-depth discussion are the commercials that come on late at night. They are the worst. Things like Cash 4 Gold, Head On!, and LifeAlert. The actors in these commercials are so terrible. It's like they just grabbed some people who were down on their luck and gave them $20 and a sandwich to be on TV.

In other news, the boys did fine at school yesterday. Although this morning when Jack was about to board the bus, he decided he didn't want to go and took off running toward the house, tore off his backpack, dashed inside the front door, and locked me out. And there I stood, knocking on my own front door so my four year old would let me in. It makes me laugh to imagine the neighbors watching what goes on at our house. Never a dull moment. I eventually did get him to school....because of my excellent parenting skillz.


Aunt Becky said...

Late night television is hysterical. I've always wanted to watch My Small Breasts and I but haven't done it yet.

I also cannot sleep with The Daver is not home.

cameo said...

you are just so damn funny.
when you can make me chuckle out loud - you're good.

Gorilla Bananas said...

My Big Buttcheeks and Me

That title has already been used for a documentary about a gorilla.

Lulabelle said...

Hehe - the BBC - gotta love it. Just wait till you get here and have to pay tv tax - the equivalent of $350 annually just to own a television and a computer. But those fetish shows pay for themselves...