Thursday, December 11, 2008

Confessions on a Dance Floor

For some reason I felt like posting this today. They’re not all confessions, some are just facts. Come on, let’s get personal.

1. I found out I was pregnant and got married when I was 19 (but almost 20!). Scandalous! AND in the wrong order!
2. My oldest is 7 now.
3. That means I’m 27, but my husband thinks I dress and act like an old woman.
4. He is (roughly) 10 years older than I am, but he has more energy than I'll ever have.
5. We meet somewhere in the middle.
6. I get my news from The Daily Show.
7. I don’t have a college degree.
8. I sometimes fantasize about getting some kind of blue collar job like welding or plumbing so I can wear a shirt with my name embroidered on it and take a thermos to work with me. And maybe wear a hard hat.
9. But just thinking about it is enough for me.
10. Although I was in the army for 2 years.
11. Everyone called me Big J and they had to make special uniforms to fit over my giant muscles.
12. Just kidding.
13. But I really was in the army.
14. And it made me want to be all I could be.
15. So I got out.
16. My kids beat each other up all the time.
17. Most of the time I ignore it unless someone starts bleeding.
18. Then I beat them up.
19. I eat a lot of really fattening foods with butter, cheese, cream, pasta…
20. Sometimes I fantasize about owning a dairy farm.
21. But cow nipples are really ugly.
22. They’re like fingers.
23. Are you bored yet?
24. Once when I was little (about 6), I had a fight with my mom and rode my bike 3 miles away along a busy highway to my grandma’s house.
25. Then I got scared and thought I was going to get kidnapped by someone in a white van with no windows.
26. But I wasn’t.
27. I wore braces for 3 years because my orthodontist lost track of the time and thought they had only been on for a year and a half.
28. My favorite song is Baba O’Riley by The Who.
29. Sometimes I eat Nutella right out of the jar with a spoon.
30. I like to say judgemental things about celebrities. Because I'm mean-spirited. And they make too much money.

Now you know more about me than you ever wanted to. Anyone else out there have a confession for the day (or 30)?

1 comment:

Nit said...

This was hilarious!!!! :)